Holdout | Part 1 | LZ

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AmazinglyAmazing
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Holdout | Part 1 | LZ

Post by AmazinglyAmazing » 24 Nov 2017, 21:17

Holdout: Part 1: LZ Defense A story based off of events of a Colonial Marines match on Big Red
(I hope this writing is considered okay. Its not god-tier as I'm not the best with grammar or details in writing, so I apologize if this actually sounds and looks like a pile of garbage. Just wanted to try this out and see how well my writing could be. Part 2 will be out soon, I don't want to write long book-like entries, so this'll do I hope. Enjoy!)

Staff Sergeant Keith Barton
13:47
"Keep up the covering fire Alpha! Ensure the bugs get nowhere near the wounded being moved to the Alamo! Oorah!" Barton would exclaim, as he continued to search amidst the chaotic battle between Marines and Xenos to find a perfect spot to call in a CAS. The worry of acid being fired near him along with the constant remarks of an annoyed PO needing targets on the command channel however, did not help him focus on the task, as he would find himself flinching at times, or complaining over the radio for the PO to shut the hell up. Every once in a while, he'd see what he would believe to be the perfect spot to rain hell from above onto the approaching bugs, but before he would be able to mark it through his binos, the bugs would scatter out of the way to avoid gunfire, or the fiery and explosive doom from Incinerators and Rocket Launchers.

"SL, we got bugs trying to melt the walls all around the LZ! What should we do?!" Corporal McCoy would shout over the Alpha radio channel, the loud sizzling noises of melting steel and acid clearly being heard in the background of the Engineer's headset. Barton would grit his teeth, as his men were already scattered about as it was. Following the heavy bug assault on Security, he had been informed over half his squad including his Spec Hopper, who had been running a grenade launcher, were either dead, dying, or kidnapped and were soon to be giving birth to more enemies. Sending his boys all over would not only put the defense of the main line in jeopardy, but also cause more confusion among the remains of his squad. Barton would turn his head, seeing that indeed some of the walls around the LZ were being melted by the bubbling green acid, the same acid that had nearly burnt through his M41A earlier. Barton would go to reply, but would quickly be interrupted,

"Big bitch incoming!" Lance Corporal Lorenz would scream, as an ear piercing screech would cause many of the fighting marines to drop their weapons including Barton and cover their ears in pain. A faint yell over the alpha channel from Lorenz would follow, as Barton would get a glimpse of him be ripped to shreds in a frenzy of blood and claws by two larger bugs. Barton would grab his M41A, firing at the bugs currently killing his Smartgunner. He watched in shock as several of his shots connected and and then bounced off of the skin of the aliens. Even the sentry in the front of the defense found itself having difficulty putting holes into the attacking Xenos. With the loss of an able Smartgunner, the frontline of the defenses fell as many Marines began to fall back, allowing the bugs to advance. "F- fucking.. shoot them! CAS them! S-SOMETHING. D-DON'T... L-LET THEM... TAKE M-M-ME." Lorenz would weakly but painfully stutter over the radio, as he panicked and struggled to get out of the aliens' grips. The SO would come over the comms,

"Just do it Barton. He's in the middle of that mob. The CAS will strike after Delta's," She'd say in a monotone voice. Barton was shocked to hear this order, but nodded. He shook as he re-equipped the tactical binoculars and looked at Lorenz's position. He thought to himself: Was he really going to do this? CAS one his own men, especially after all of their losses as it was? How would the rest of his men react, killing a fellow squad-mate and marine like that? While thinking and aiming for his CAS, he could not notice the blinking red dot marked by Delta's SL nearby. Barton suddenly heard the high pitched beeping, and looked around confused as he realized most of the Marines were running past him in a panic, leaving only the automated sentries and a select few brave marines defending the LZ Entrance.

"CAS, WATCH-" The shout would be cut off as all Barton would see is a bright flash, before everything would go dark and quiet.

Everything would come back in quickly again, but faintly. Barton could barely see or hear, but saw as he was beginning to leave a heavy trail of blood behind while being dragged by his Corporal Medic Clydes. Looking down, he'd see that his right foot was gone, and the stump was now guzzling out blood. Keith's eyes widened as he could barely hear Clydes over the sounds of gunfire and shrieks talking into the squad channel. Pain quickly filled his body as he also realized he had been severely burnt.
Then slowly, everything went dark once more.

TO BE CONTINUED
Characters:
PFC Paul 'Grunt' Lorenz
Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper
Kyle 'Deadmeat' Killgore

"Squad Engineer Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded the medal of exceptional heroism: 'Took care of the LZ all alone and fought off Xenos until reinforcements arrived'."

"Squad Marine Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded posthumously the bronze heart medal: 'Killed in an ambush.'" (Thanks Carson)

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Re: Holdout | Part 1 | LZ

Post by Cactos » 28 Nov 2017, 07:18

Pretty good
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James5734
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Re: Holdout | Part 1 | LZ

Post by James5734 » 28 Nov 2017, 09:18

I feel like there's too far a heavy use of the word "would", but aside from that its pretty good.
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AmazinglyAmazing
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Re: Holdout | Part 1 | LZ

Post by AmazinglyAmazing » 28 Nov 2017, 21:13

James5734 wrote:
28 Nov 2017, 09:18
I feel like there's too far a heavy use of the word "would", but aside from that its pretty good.
Yeah, that seems to have always been a reoccurring issue for me in writing. Also, I kind of rushed Part 1 out, so I'm taking my time with Part 2 so it's much better detailed and not (as) repetitive like it was with this one. Happy to know that you all are thinking it's okay, and thank you!
Characters:
PFC Paul 'Grunt' Lorenz
Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper
Kyle 'Deadmeat' Killgore

"Squad Engineer Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded the medal of exceptional heroism: 'Took care of the LZ all alone and fought off Xenos until reinforcements arrived'."

"Squad Marine Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded posthumously the bronze heart medal: 'Killed in an ambush.'" (Thanks Carson)

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Re: Holdout | Part 1 | LZ

Post by Gnorse » 01 Dec 2017, 06:22

good stuff.
can't really give any critisism since this is way better than anything I'd ever write.
Looking forward to reading more.
"You absolute cockjuggling thundercunt" -LCPL 'DOA'
Oussama 'DOA' Neghiz

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USCM : Proud Smartgunner/Specialist/SL/Standard. Executive Officer If I'm feeling hot.
Xeno (Rarely) : Praetorian, Ravager, Crusher, Spitter
Delta Squad best squad

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