Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind

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AmazinglyAmazing
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Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind

Post by AmazinglyAmazing » 03 Dec 2017, 23:31

Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind
A story based off of events of a Colonial Marines match on Big Red

(I've basically forgotten what happens afterwards, but hey look at that, Part 2 is done! I went ahead and took a bit more time with this one, so hopefully it pays off. If you haven't read the first part, I suggest you read it, it's not too long. A slight warning that this one I feel still isn't as good as the first one, even with the extra work I put in as the grammar isn't on point, and my pacing is all over the place. Pretty sure I was about to have a heart attack because of how stressed I am about posting this, but I don't want to take terribly wrong and stress myself out over the tiniest details. Anyways, thank you all for the comments, and I hope you all enjoy part 2 of Holdout!)

Corporal Rob McCoy and Ensign Jona Adams
13:52
"Christ that CAS just took out our fucking SL!" exclaims McCoy, continuing to fire slugs into the approaching Xenos. Marines continued rushing into the LZ, as the defenses around the perimeter collapsed and quickly became overrun. A small red Runner would scurry around the Alamo, trying to maul down any dying marines not being tended to. The Alamo's pilot Jona Adams quickly takes notice of the creature and it's devious actions. After pressing several buttons and the calm flick of a switch, the Alamo's turrets come online. The blinking red 'Armed' showing up on the Alamo's console would reflect off of the pilot's visor as he watched as the right side turret would fire 3 shots into the Runner's torso, immobilizing it. On the ground dying, the Runner twitches in pain and lets out a weak screech, as a final shot from the turret puts a gaping hole in it's face, killing it instantly.

"Scratch one." Ensign Adams mutters, getting up and opening the door into the back of the Alamo. A third of the seats were already drenched in blood from previous wounded or dead marines, and the floor was covered in empty mags, syringes, and bloodied equipment. The voice of an annoyed and panicked engineer comes over the Command Channel,

"This is Corporal Rob McCoy, coming in as acting Squad Leader! We need more marines out here and covering the wounded, NOW!" Jona would look out, seeing the Engineer covering wounded marines as they retreated. McCoy would glance back at the pilot, as five Alpha marines including Clydes would exit the Alamo in a hurry and over to him, "There's still several marines outside in front of the main entrance, we gotta support them as they fall back, let's move!" McCoy would be replied with a loud 'Oorah!' as they sprinted to the entrance, firing at anything that didn't resemble a marine. As they made their way outside, a specialist from Delta would fire a rocket into a pocket of Xenos. Almost all of the aliens caught in the blast remained on the ground dead, but a rhino-like Xeno continued to charge through as it was almost nothing.

"What the hell?!" The specialist yells in a confused tone. The specialist frantically began to reload his launcher, McCoy next to him with a dumbfounded look on his face. He'd motion for his men to focus fire on the charging beast, as more and more bullets made their way into their target. The creature eventually began to slow down, before collapsing just a few feet from the barrier of sandbags separating the group of marines from it.

Watching from outside the Alamo, Adams would smirk as he began to pick up a motionless Smartgunner, proud of how they were holding up. Marines on the main channel would yell for the pilot to enter the Alamo, and that they were going to be overrun. The pilot puts a hand on his headset, and presses a button,

"If the marines NOT wounded would get their asses out here and help the marines incapable of boarding the drop ship, maybe we could leave a lot earlier than we will be!" Jona would yell. Several marines would sarcastically reply but agree, as they left the Alamo and began to drag wounded on board. That's when they all heard it: The sound of the Alamo beginning to lift off. "The hell?!" Jona would shout, as he hurriedly dragged the Smartgunner faster towards the drop ship. But, it was too late. He watched as 2 marines barely got through the doors before they abruptly shut, and then the Alamo would launch, leaving the Pilot and several other marines standing at the LZ, hearing only the sounds of gunfire of the others in the distance.

"Uh, Pilot? The hell was that?" McCoy asks over the radio, concerned. "Either my hearing is fucking with me, or you just left at least ten of us to die on this shit hole of a planet." Rob would look inside the LZ with his sentry in hand, to see the pilot standing in the middle of 5 other marines, all looking at the now empty LZ.

"Correction McCoy, command just left at least 16 of us to die on this shit hole of a- oh shit! Big bitch just melted through one of the east walls! Incoming!" Shouted Jona, as the Queen lead several Xenos through the hole in the wall and charged at the remaining marines. "Everyone retreat through Telecomms! We're moving south and regrouping at Virology! I repeat, get the hell outta LZ1!" Adams led the way as they rushed to T-Comms, McCoy's group not far behind them as they struggled to keep the monsters off their backs. That's when the SO came over the squad channel,

"McCoy what the hell do you think you're doing?! You're leaving LZ1 undefended! How do you expect us to send the Alamo back?" McCoy would not respond as he looked back, seeing the Xenos getting closer. Sprinting through the doorway of T-Comms, he'd set the sentry down, quickly deploying it. The sentry would come to life, it's light on the side blinking a bright red, before letting out a small and almost innocent beep. Setting it to burst fire, McCoy would continue to run south with his group, drowning out the sounds of the annoyed and panicked SO by listening to the growing distant sounds of the sentry gunning down the Xenos.

TO BE CONTINUED
Characters:
PFC Paul 'Grunt' Lorenz
Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper
Kyle 'Deadmeat' Killgore

"Squad Engineer Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded the medal of exceptional heroism: 'Took care of the LZ all alone and fought off Xenos until reinforcements arrived'."

"Squad Marine Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded posthumously the bronze heart medal: 'Killed in an ambush.'" (Thanks Carson)

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Gnorse
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Re: Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind

Post by Gnorse » 04 Dec 2017, 13:20

Holy hell, this is good.
Maybe make an archive post where you put all your stories into it or something ?
"You absolute cockjuggling thundercunt" -LCPL 'DOA'
Oussama 'DOA' Neghiz

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USCM : Proud Smartgunner/Specialist/SL/Standard. Executive Officer If I'm feeling hot.
Xeno (Rarely) : Praetorian, Ravager, Crusher, Spitter
Delta Squad best squad

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AmazinglyAmazing
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Re: Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind

Post by AmazinglyAmazing » 04 Dec 2017, 15:55

Gnorse wrote:
04 Dec 2017, 13:20
Holy hell, this is good.
Maybe make an archive post where you put all your stories into it or something ?
How do I do that exactly? I'm still kinda new with making forum posts. Besides these story posts the only other one I've made was a ban appeal from my 2nd day on the server. Also, thank you for the compliment!
Characters:
PFC Paul 'Grunt' Lorenz
Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper
Kyle 'Deadmeat' Killgore

"Squad Engineer Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded the medal of exceptional heroism: 'Took care of the LZ all alone and fought off Xenos until reinforcements arrived'."

"Squad Marine Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded posthumously the bronze heart medal: 'Killed in an ambush.'" (Thanks Carson)

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Gnorse
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Re: Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind

Post by Gnorse » 04 Dec 2017, 16:01

Oh, just edit your first post and copy paste everything into it. Add some spoiler tags if you feel fancy.
Just check out all the buttons in the post editor. They can make your stories fancy as hell.
"You absolute cockjuggling thundercunt" -LCPL 'DOA'
Oussama 'DOA' Neghiz

Image

USCM : Proud Smartgunner/Specialist/SL/Standard. Executive Officer If I'm feeling hot.
Xeno (Rarely) : Praetorian, Ravager, Crusher, Spitter
Delta Squad best squad

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Re: Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind

Post by JennerH » 08 Dec 2017, 11:59

I love it, but you have an issue with consistency. You can't seem to decide whether to write them doing the action in current or past tense, like you'll write "Adams looked behind him" and then write "he sets the sentry down as he activates it", ect ect. It makes it harder to read for me because my brain has to constantly fix it to make it sound better. Besides that it's perfect
Madison 'Spicey' Delaney and Harper~!
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AmazinglyAmazing
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Re: Holdout | Part 2 | Left Behind

Post by AmazinglyAmazing » 09 Dec 2017, 03:57

Jenner wrote:
08 Dec 2017, 11:59
I love it, but you have an issue with consistency. You can't seem to decide whether to write them doing the action in current or past tense, like you'll write "Adams looked behind him" and then write "he sets the sentry down as he activates it", ect ect. It makes it harder to read for me because my brain has to constantly fix it to make it sound better. Besides that it's perfect
Yeah, I think that's mainly based off that I've been trying to not be repetitive with 'would'. I'm not kidding when I say this, every other sentence in Part 1 has the word' would' in it. Not only did it bug me, but it also caught the attention of someone else (James5734 I believe) who pointed out it was heavily overused at times. I'm going to try and be more consistent with writing in either present or past tense, deciding on which form to use. Thank you so much for the advice!
Characters:
PFC Paul 'Grunt' Lorenz
Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper
Kyle 'Deadmeat' Killgore

"Squad Engineer Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded the medal of exceptional heroism: 'Took care of the LZ all alone and fought off Xenos until reinforcements arrived'."

"Squad Marine Jackson 'Stiggs' Hopper is awarded posthumously the bronze heart medal: 'Killed in an ambush.'" (Thanks Carson)

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